I F*cked Up

There are times when I get so excited about things, that I forget some details. Like offering things that aren't mine, technically mine. In the moment, all I can think about is doing something amazing with friends. I can't wait to show them, and I'm only in the moment. The back of my head is telling me I shouldn't, it isn't mine to give, or share. I shove that voice into a dark corner and stay in my tiny little happy spot. I love to share, and to give. I love seeing others excited and happy, especially from something I did. But I was in the wrong. I accepted the responsibility 100%, for it was solely my idea. The moment, the question was asked, my heart sank, and my body went cold... as it normally does, when I know, I am in trouble. I don't like being in trouble, not just because of the anxiety flares, but I don't like disappointing people that see me a certain way. I've worked hard to build a trust with these people, and I've chipped it. I feel so ashamed and so upset. I couldn't convey it in the moment, just because of my anxiety, it kept me frozen. All I could do was nod and give small responses. I don't like confrontation, even if it doesn't involve me. Though I don't do a lot of things wrongly, as in being in the wrong, I am always afraid of getting into trouble. Whether it be with friends, family, or work. I stay in fear, and that drags me further down into my dark depths of depression and anxiety. Yes, in the moment, I had a notion of knowing I was doing something wrong, but I did not intend any ill-will, or anything harmful by it. I just hope I didn't lose all what I gained...