What's Wrong with Me?

 I hate the idea of being alone, physically and socially alone. I don't like going without some sort of human interaction. I came from quite the sizeable family, on both maternal and paternal sides. Every day was spent with someone, usually a group of family and friends together. The idea of not having anyone, whether it be friend, romantic partner, and etc, is utterly terrifying. A lot of the times I go out of my way and try to keep people happy, so they will stay in my life. It's like I'm buying their interactions with me. I, in the past, have bought someone a cell phone and minutes, because I didn't want to lose contact with them. That "relationship" ended very poorly. I guess it's true when they say you can't buy happiness. The worse part about the aforementioned incident, is that I cannot afford a lot of things in my life, so when I spend a significant amount of money, it hurts me financially. In the moment I don't care at all, but after it's said and done, I worry about how I am going to get my bills paid. I can't afford another Insufficient Fund Charge. I've never been this bad with my money. With time, I have gotten worse with controlling and budgeting my funds. I can do it, I have done it in the past, but now, it's become quite difficult. Am I spending money to try and fill some sort of "empty space" in my life? Am I trying to distract myself from my mental situation? Am I going to stay broke the rest of my life? These questions pop into my head constantly, and then I go to sleep and they fade away, until I open my wallet the next time. This segment is a little unorganized, but they fit together. Until next time.