Walk A Mile in My Shoes

Sometimes, emotions are overbearing, too over-cumbersome. Some people can handle them day to day. Even I manage to hold it together, most days... and then the other days, oh the other days. I have times where I find it hard to get out of bed. My mind tells me I should just stay in bed, the world can go on without my presence. Depression covers me like a wet blanket, so heavy and overwhelming. A lot of the time I don't understand why I feel the way I do. Why am I crying? Why can't I get out and spend time with friends and family? Then come the anxiety attacks. No one has talked to me, or responded to that last text. Did I do something wrong? Did I upset someone unintentionally? I'm going to lose them forever. They don't love me. They don't care about me. My diagnosis has to be wrong, I can't have PTSD. I must be BiPolar or Schizophrenic, that runs in my family. Are the doctors wrong? Should I even went to something I won't be able to afford? Should I take the medication? Is it really working? All these questions I keep asking myself. On the outside, you wouldn't know what I'm suffering, or that I'm suffering at all. I give off a happy "vibe" and try and remain outward positive. I work hard at making others happy, or getting them to laugh. I smile all the time, but most of the time they are lies. I do need help, and I wish to accept it, but is it worth it? Will it really work?